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I have been close companions for more than 20 years, who has overcome many hardships, her resilience is commendable. However, she has been repeatedly blindsided by people. Her partner left her, which came as an unexpected event. Several of her friends disappeared during that time, since they had been drawn to the spouse. It shocked her. She put in greater energy in our friendship, probably grasped better the essence of true friendship.

Ongoing Issues In Relationships

In the time since, several of her friends vanished leaving her certain of the reason. Her previous job turned on her, despite the fact that she had been highly competent, she departed unaware of what had changed.

Current Dynamics

Lately, we've both left the workforce leading to more time together, but I am finding the part I play in our friendship is as the audience. I start topics of conversation only for her to redirect the talk toward what interests her. Regarding political views, she holds strong opinions. My effort is to recommend double-checking information or other angles.

She is organizing a vacation to a nation I've visited many times even called home for some time. My intention was to offer advice, but this was not welcomed. She really solely sought validation of her decisions. I recently ended four weeks there and she wants to reconnect, however, I hesitate.

Evaluating the Situation

I hesitate in this role that walks away abruptly, but I don't think she will ever understand the effect of how she acts on my self-esteem. Right now, I am in avoidance mode. What's the best step?

Ways Forward

You could walk away, but it is not often the easy answer that we desire. Yet having a direct talk with a view to a solution requires bravery and openness for each of you.

Therapists recommend using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step requires explaining how things go during your discussions. This needs to be based on facts and basically exactly what occurs. The second involves sharing the way it leaves you feeling. Ideally, there's no dispute on this point. Your feelings are valid, after all. Finally is to question ways you together can shift the pattern in your relationship."

Consider your friend holds perspectives, thus requiring you to remain ready to hear that. An approach that works is telling her:

"It's your turn to speak and I'm going to listen without interrupting for half an hour."

It's remarkably successful to encourage better communication.

Final Thoughts

She may dismiss all you say, for those who cling to a self-protecting mindset: they maintain a narrative about themselves they cannot release since their identity relies on it and it represents they trust. This poses a challenge as there is no clear path in such cases, only cul-de-sacs. However, she might start out defensively then consider on your words. And even if a resolution isn't found a fix, you'll have satisfaction knowing you were truthful.